In this exciting episode, Shā shares how you as a leader can use vulnerability to transform your ability to communicate effectively and achieve more with your team!
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, everybody. Hello and welcome. Welcome to our latest episode of the secrets of the high demand coach. And I have here with me today a very high demand coach, and a new friend and acquaintance of mine, Shā Sparks with Sparks of Fire International and Shā and I met actually on her podcast. So I strongly recommend that you guys go out and check it out. I’m sure we’ll talk about it here in a little bit. We’ll also include a link in the notes. But without further ado, Shā, thank you so much for being here. Our listeners don’t know this. But I’m 15 minutes late for this. So just a testament to one don’t always trust technology. And two, Shā is just amazing. I mean, nobody sits on an empty Zoom Room for 15 minutes. But out of the just the kindness of her heart and who she is she’s here with us today. And you guys are the primary beneficiaries of that, because I know it’s going to be an absolute treat. So Shā, thank you for being here. And I’d love to open up and just say, Hey, tell us your story. How did you get into coaching? Why And What did that journey look like?
Shā Sparks
Wow. Well, first of all, thank you for asking me to be on your show. And congratulations for having a podcast. This is so exciting. I’m, I’m happy and excited for you to see where it goes. i Let’s see, I have been a coach. Well, I started off being a coach behind the chair, as a hairstylist for most of my career, in fact, all of my career. And as time went on, I really started to think about what is next for me, I knew that I was not destined to be there for the rest of my life, I was put in a good, you know, 29 years, which is hard to believe, because I’m only 30. So I don’t know how that all works out in math. But I put it a good good run. And I knew that at some point I was being called being led being doors were opening to me to do something else.
So it started because I had gotten into an abusive relationship. And when I got out of that, I was able to peel away the layers of the onion that I am that we all are and heal. And as I started to heal, I started to change the language that I spoke to myself, most importantly, but also the people around me, especially my family, and even my my hair clients who then got the benefit of going well, what do I say to this person? You know, to me as they’re getting their hair done. So they got the benefit of of coaching from behind the chair while I was still still exploring, like what is this look like to be coaching?
And so that’s kind of how the idea was first planted in me because I would clients would ask me about, you know, what do what do I say to this person? And how do I, how do I communicate better with this person, and that person was literally their spouse, their parents, their kids and their boss or their co worker. And so it was a rain, it was all people, it didn’t matter who the person was, it was really about getting to the heart of the person and communicating to that.
And so when I started to share what I had learned about myself, and one of the major things that I learned was,
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, everybody. Hello and welcome. Welcome to our latest episode of the secrets of the high demand coach. And I have here with me today a very high demand coach, and a new friend and acquaintance of mine, Shā Sparks with Sparks of Fire International and Shā and I met actually on her podcast. So I strongly recommend that you guys go out and check it out. I’m sure we’ll talk about it here in a little bit. We’ll also include a link in the notes. But without further ado, Shā, thank you so much for being here. Our listeners don’t know this. But I’m 15 minutes late for this. So just a testament to one don’t always trust technology. And two, Shā is just amazing. I mean, nobody sits on an empty Zoom Room for 15 minutes. But out of the just the kindness of her heart and who she is she’s here with us today. And you guys are the primary beneficiaries of that, because I know it’s going to be an absolute treat. So Shā, thank you for being here. And I’d love to open up and just say, Hey, tell us your story. How did you get into coaching? Why And What did that journey look like?
Shā Sparks
Wow. Well, first of all, thank you for asking me to be on your show. And congratulations for having a podcast. This is so exciting. I’m, I’m happy and excited for you to see where it goes. i Let’s see, I have been a coach. Well, I started off being a coach behind the chair, as a hairstylist for most of my career, in fact, all of my career. And as time went on, I really started to think about what is next for me, I knew that I was not destined to be there for the rest of my life, I was put in a good, you know, 29 years, which is hard to believe, because I’m only 30. So I don’t know how that all works out in math. But I put it a good good run. And I knew that at some point I was being called being led being doors were opening to me to do something else.
So it started because I had gotten into an abusive relationship. And when I got out of that, I was able to peel away the layers of the onion that I am that we all are and heal. And as I started to heal, I started to change the language that I spoke to myself, most importantly, but also the people around me, especially my family, and even my my hair clients who then got the benefit of going well, what do I say to this person? You know, to me as they’re getting their hair done. So they got the benefit of of coaching from behind the chair while I was still still exploring, like what is this look like to be coaching?
And so that’s kind of how the idea was first planted in me because I would clients would ask me about, you know, what do what do I say to this person? And how do I, how do I communicate better with this person, and that person was literally their spouse, their parents, their kids and their boss or their co worker. And so it was a rain, it was all people, it didn’t matter who the person was, it was really about getting to the heart of the person and communicating to that.
And so when I started to share what I had learned about myself, and one of the major things that I learned was, we have to be vulnerable. And we have to be able to share what it is that we’re thinking about the situation. Like what it is that I’m feeling in this moment of the story that I’m telling myself about this situation. That is just absolutely profound. People don’t actually do that, nor do they even think about being vulnerable and wanting to share that.
And and when I did that with my own family, things started to shift. My dad, most of my life had only shown me anger. And that was the only emotion he ever showed and had never been vulnerable a day in his life. Nor did he ever have conversations that was outside of you know, superficial conversations, like how is the car running? How was work? How was the weather, and when I started to shift that and dive deeper with my dad, he started to heal and peel away his own layers. And he became my best friend and the last five years of his life. Wow. And that is really my why is to really create a movement for people to really be able to be vulnerable and to have a safe space with their family, with their company with their their spouse to be able to share.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, I love that. And one of the things I want to dig into that a little bit but one of the things just as you’re talking that if you’re not a founder you may not quite get but those who are founders listening just get it like it is like starting a business is part of who you are. There’s so many times it comes out of this just deep experience–maybe profound pain maybe profound accomplishment. But it’s never like at the, you know, kind of a thing.
And even for those in because we’ve had a couple of people who said I was an accidental entrepreneur, so even if the starting point was the whatever, there comes this moment for every single founder, where it’s like, wow, am I really going to do this right, like, and so what I think founders struggle with after that sometimes is they struggle, because for the employees that they’re bringing in, especially as they get to, like 15, and 20, and 50. It’s not that team experience for them, right, it’s a job for many of them, even if it’s an exciting one, but it’s not necessarily who they are. And the things that you do, again, are soon knit to who you are, that it can be hard to let go of some of that can be hard to just work through some of that. And you see a lot of that goes sideways. And I’m sure that you’ve seen this a lot. But it’s like that there’s a vulnerability there that even if you don’t want to express it, you can’t get away with it as a founder. It’s just it’s part of the deal. How do you see that showing up–that like, the wrestle with vulnerability, for founders in particular?
Shā Sparks
Yeah, absolutely. So I do work with CEOs. And it’s interesting, when I say that word, they’re like, what, I’m not gonna be vulnerable. Are you kidding me. And so I’ll put another word with it, I’ll call it transparent. And it’s really about creating a company culture, where you’re being transparent enough. And to, to really build respect, you’re building trust, you’re building rapport, you’re building a safe space, to say that word again, for your employees, for your clients, to really be able to be able to go to you and talk about anything, and be able to trust you. And so that then you can actually trust them that they’re going to be the most productive, and they’re going to want to stay, you’re going to build that loyalty. Because especially in today’s world, we don’t have loyalty, they’re always looking for the next or the best, and the better. But at the end, the grass is greener. And what happens is when the when the CEO removes the ego, from their title, as an E as an ego, they remove that from the the title, the chief ego officer, and they become transparent, and really kind of sit with, okay, where are blind spots? Where are weaknesses? And what if I shared that in a way that says, Let’s brainstorm this as a group as a whole, and be able to create and produce results out of that, rather than constantly giving orders, you’re now creating a more cohesive environment, a culture, that is all about teamwork, rather than just barking orders from the back of the room?
Scott Ritzheimer
It’s so good. That’s so good. Now, you’ve mentioned kind of working in a business environment, working with the CEO working with their team, you’ve also mentioned this just kind of deep vulnerability on a family side as well. How did those intersect in your world? Or do they?
Shā Sparks
Oh, they they most definitely do. I have seen time and time again, that with my clients that the blind spot that we have with our family, and again, it could be a spouse, it could be a child, it could be a parent is also a blind spot that they’re having in, in our business. And it’s because it all boils down to relationships, it all boils down to the human the component. And when you look at that, and you’re like, Okay, so I’m having this, let’s, let’s just say that, you know, someone had said that they were having an issue with their spouse, and they weren’t communicating. And it’s like, okay, great. They’re not communicating with you. Are you communicating with them? And he was like, Absolutely, I’m communicating with them. I’m telling her what I want blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, Okay, that’s great that you’re giving her orders about you, but are you receiving what she’s saying? And are you asking questions? Right? And that is like the key, I think in in any communication is having the ability and the willingness to ask questions, and be okay, whatever that answer is.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s fantastic. Now, I, a lot of the folks in my world a lot of listeners here may say like, “Hey, I’m good at the business thing. We’ve got a successful organization, it’s growing, I’ve got a great team, those relationships are awesome. But that same like being CEO doesn’t translate to being a great mom or dad or husband or wife.” Why? Why is there a breakdown between those? And why is it important to bridge that gap?
Shā Sparks
Great question. It’s important to bridge that gap. Because then we have this thing in our society that we want to achieve called work life balance. Right. And we were not made to work 60, 70, 80 hours a week, and then come home and still have energy left. For the people around us, our community, even if you’re, you know, you don’t have a family and you’re single, but you have community, you have family in some shape, or form, whether it’s just friends. And so we’re not built to just focus on the one thing, and we are foot we are built, to be able to have energy are all the different areas we might have at some energy, or other areas more on some days than others. But at the end of the day, we have to know where our energy is and where it can go. We only get if you look at a pitcher of water, we only get that much. We only get that much of energy every day. And once it’s poured out. And then we’re still trying to squeeze those last drops at the end. Because we’re you know, there until nine o’clock at night, sometimes it’s like, okay, there’s none left. And then you go home and you’re, you know, you’re screaming at the kids or whatever, it’s because you’re done. Yeah. So if there was something that you could do, that you can find that helps you do to replenish that energy. Like maybe it’s listening to your favorite song, or you know, going to work out at the gym after work, maybe it’s walking in nature, maybe it’s just being able to just breathe and take a moment when you get home and have you know, 30 minutes yourself, then you can start engaging in that in the family, then you can go walk the dog, that type of thing.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, it’s really interesting, because right now there’s this little microcosm happening for me. So when COVID hit, I went from working at home to working at an office, my kids came home and was like, Nope, that’s not going to happen. So when every when the whole world was going to work from home, I went to work from an office. And And had you know, it’s just, it’s a good fit for me, right, the drive there and the drive back are really kind of reset points where I can move from one space to the other. Well, just recently, for a short run, I’ve got to work from the house. So we moved the whole setup here to the house. And now my commute is about, you know, 10 stairs. And I’ve realized, even just in this short little bit of time, I’m really missing my 20 minute drive home, that because of that, you that shifting gears that you’re talking about that change point, and it’s a temporary thing, and so I’m glad for that I’ll be going back to the office when they’re done with some work on it. But But I think it’s true, I think that there has there is a different energy at work than there is at home. You know, one of the I think one of the folks on the podcast, but a friend of mine said, I had to move from couch time to floor time, right, I had to get from just coming home and reading on the couch to getting down on my hands and knees with my kids when they were little. Yeah. And and I think you know that that picture of of a picture, if we can say those two words together, is a great metaphor. And I appreciate it a lot. Now, a question that I have for you is, before you start working with a client, let’s say a CEO, they maybe they start to feel like something’s wrong. What are the other things they try before they call you and ask for help? And how does that go?
Shā Sparks
Well, I have found that most of them just try to struggle through just try to push through there. They have this, I can’t stop, I have to keep going just push through the challenge. And I don’t necessarily know I’m trying to think most of my clients haven’t actually worked with a coach or they’ve listened to podcasts. They’ve they’ve read books, but then they’re kind of like pulling their hair hair out at their wit’s end going. Okay, now I have to hire a coach. And now I see that you are the one to work with. It’s, it’s almost like there’s so i. So let me just start by saying I am a certified fearless living coach. And I help clients break through fear. And wherever that shows, wherever that shows up. And so by the time they meet me, they vie they’ve been referred to me most of all, because I don’t do a whole lot of advertising or promoting myself. It’s literally word of mouth. And by that time, it’s like, “Oh, got it. So I’m dealing with something that’s way bigger than me and I don’t even know where it is, and I’m looking at what’s next?”
So we have a, we have a deep conversation, first of all in the first hour just to see if we’re a good fit for each other. Because I want to make sure that I can serve them and that they will be inspired and empowered to do the work that we I will give them and, and if it’s not me, I have a plus, I know that’s the great thing about the coaching world, as you know, we have a plethora of other people that they can work with. And I have no problem like referring them to someone else if I am not a good fit for them.
Scott Ritzheimer
I love that. Where do you think the kind of crossover point is? Because I don’t know that it’s feasible to hire a coach in every aspect of your life every day. Right? But, you know, I’ve seen it too are a lot of folks that go on this kind of self learning journey. Where do you find that, that that tipping point happens? Who needs to coach as opposed to going out to podcasts or books or whatever it may be?
Shā Sparks
Yeah, so most of the time, in the beginning stages of I need, I need help, or I need to figure something out. I’m hitting a struggle, I’m hitting a challenge. People will point the finger outwardly and saying it’s the client, it’s the customers, it’s my employees. It’s the building. It’s the you know, whatever, it’s COVID. Right, they’ll constantly point the fingers elsewhere. So when they find that they’re going wait, is it me? Is it something that I can be a better leader, as is it something that I can do? For me, that will help this environment that will help what’s happening right now. That’s the best time I believe is to really, when you’ve got it that it might might just be you might just be the issue. That is when I think the best time is to hire a coach.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s excellent. That is very, very good advice. When when you reach that point where you finally realize I’ve got something to do with it. It may not be 100% may not even be 51%. Right, right. But there’s some part of this that is me. And what I found on the backside of that is that that’s one of the it’s it’s a it’s a creepy feeling, right? It’s not one that we really enjoy. But what comes on the backside of that is if it is due to you, that’s something that you can change.
Shā Sparks
Yes, yes. Well, before we’re trying to control other things, we’re trying to control the uncontrollables. So then when you take like, full on 100%, sole responsibility for yourself and go, Okay, wait a minute here. What is it that I can shift and control to change? And bring to the table differently?
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, so good. All right. So the moment that our listeners have been waiting for the moment I’ve been waiting for, is I’d love to hear from you what the biggest secret is that you’d want to share with with our audience today, and founders, leaders, the CEOs that you work with, that will help them to grow as a person as a leader, and even help their organization grow. What would that one thing be?
Shā Sparks
Hmm. So I’m just closing my eyes and just thinking about that question for a moment. And the one thing that pops up to me is a hold your thoughts captive? And I say that because there are thoughts that we have about others. And then there are thoughts that we have about ourselves that we don’t even realize we’re having in could. And so in the coaching world, we talk about, you know, did you know that to be true? Or are you making that up? So one of the things that and I’m just going to make something up like, okay, let’s just pretend that you know, you had mentioned before that Scott was 15 minutes late, right? So I’m just gonna say, Scott didn’t show up I am because I’m, he doesn’t like me, I’m stupid, I’m weak, I got the wrong date, I got the wrong time. You know, that could be a story that we think about. So that’s the my thoughts. That could be a scenario where I am thinking that like, oh my gosh, it’s all my fault. I did something wrong. And stead of that, it’s, it’s really about being able to notice that that is what you’re thinking. So whether that’s with your boss, maybe that’s with your team. Most of the time, it’s with our teams like the teams aren’t. This is a good one. The team thinks I’m incompetent, because I don’t necessarily know the answer to this. Yeah. And that statement, most of the time, I’ll say 98% of the time is untrue. Well, but you don’t know that because you haven’t asked the questions. So I would say that the best thing that advice I could give anyone is to hold their your thoughts captive. And to ask yourself, Do I We know this to be true, or could I possibly be making this up?
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, that’s really quite profound. And it’s not something that I had spent much time really looking at. But I was just doing an exercise, it was actually with a group from my church. And there was this person who’s kind of walking us through a process that they had for designing this new program we wanted to put on and he asked very simple question.
He said, What do we know? And he said, What do we assume?
And the number of times I wrote something in the know, and then scratched it out and wrote it in the assume, right? It’s, it’s stunning. How many things right are really belong in the assumptions category. Right? And it may it may be a story that we’re making up, it may be a past experience defined, what used to happen. I may be just a complete misconception. It may be wishful thinking it may be true, right? But the difference between assumption and fact is profound, right? The fact you can rely on the assumption, there’s good data in that, right. But it’s not to be taken at face value. And so I love that you brought that out. And again, I was just shocked. I would, I would encourage folks to do this. And if you want more about this, we’ll talk about hiking connect with shea here at the end, because I’m sure she’s better than, you know, listening to a podcast. So if you know it’s you, here we go. We’ll type full circle. But But no, it just take a moment, whatever that challenges that you’re facing right now. And so what do I know about it? Right, and to what do I assume about it? And I think you’ll be surprised at what you come back with this fantastic advice Sha.
Shā Sparks
Oh, thank you. And I will go a little bit further on the assumption. Yeah. How many times have you said, Well, I can’t tell that person this because they’ll and they’ll say, blank, blank, blank. Hmm. That is an assumption.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s so true. Wow. Excellent. Excellent, excellent advice that was worth the price of admission. All right, so. So now I’ve worked with enough coaches to know that many coaches have a knack for spending all of their energy, we talked about spending energy earlier, but we can spend all our energy on our clients right on our work, because it’s important work is life changing stuff. But we can do it at the cost of spending time on our own business. So I want for you to take a moment kind of take your coach hat off, put your CEO hat on right, to step into the ring with us and tell us what are you doing to grow as a leader in the next phase of growth for sparks and fire International?
Shā Sparks
Oh, my gosh, so much. One is that I surround myself with amazing team team of people who are not just supportive, but they are masters of their own craft. So I find people who are the who, instead of me trying to do the what. So there’s a good book called, it’s not about the who it’s about the words on about the wet, it’s about the who, and it is. So that’s, that’s the one thing that I’m doing is finding people who are really good at what they do and let them go. And not and I don’t have to, you know, micromanage them, they just do what they do. And then I can look over it with ease and go yes, yes. or tweak this year a little bit.
So I’m doing that. And it’s funny, I had a, I have a pretty I won’t say strict schedule, but I have a schedule for myself, that is set up in a way where I have learned what hours of the day work best for my energy. Hmm. And so it’s in the afternoon, or the morning, depending on the day, depending on what I’ve done the day before, that type of thing. And so it’s really interesting that when I started to work like that, it it makes because I don’t work a nine to five, so or work quote unquote, nine to five, so I might work one to seven. And that seems that seems to really work for me. Wow, yeah.
Scott Ritzheimer
Very cool. I was just sitting, I’ve got my blue chair in my office and my blue chair is kind of my thinking and meditation spot and praying and I was thinking this morning of that exact thing. Like, how could I manage my energy better throughout the day and I walked away with a big question mark. So no, no great wisdom there. But there’s, there’s something to that and I love that you found that and, and nine to five is something that is as arbitrary as any other working time, right? A byproduct of of a bygone age by this point. And so I love that you’re able to break free of that and and run with it in the way that’s best for you. Alright, so kind of wrapping it up here. I know some of our listeners are sitting here thinking like absolutely I’d love to live through your list, right? How can they connect with you learn more about you and what you do?
Shā Sparks
Absolutely. So, gosh, where do I start? So first of all, my web site isshasparks.com. And please bear with me it is under updating at the moment. So it will be not exactly everything that I do right now. But it is a good portion of the things that I do. You can also find my podcast on any platform, the Power of Investing in People podcast, and just a few weeks ago was Scott’s interview. So you can definitely check that out. And in those show notes, there is a link if you want to connect with me, there is a link to hit and it goes straight to my my Calendly account and sets up a meeting for you to just connect and talk and see if we’re a good fit for each other. Or if there’s something that I can refer you to I also do heart and mind fitness coaching and brainstorming for your business. And I have podcasting and veteran resources, which is also near and dear to my heart that talked about my dad and my dad was a veteran. So I am a plethora of useless and sometimes useful information. So feel free to reach out to me on that as well.
Scott Ritzheimer
You’re being modest. I know that leans very, very heavily toward the highly, highly useful side of that. So Shā, thank you so much for being with us. Head over to shasparks.com. Check out her podcast again. Had a wonderful opportunity to be on there but I know you’ll you’ll get to hear more of her wisdom and out of her guests. The Power of Investing in People podcast and you’ll find it really anywhere. There’s podcasts. I know it’s all over the place. And I look forward to seeing you guys over there.
Shā, I thank you for being here. I so appreciate it. For those of you listening today. Thank you so much. We wish you the absolute best go live a fearless life and and we’ll look forward to seeing you next time. Take care.
Contact Shā
Shā Sparks is an energetic catalyst and fearless communicator who sparks leaders in transition, who are unclear, go from fear to fired up about their life and business.
Through her renowned Spark Your Alpha program, Shā’s audiences and clients experience more confidence, amplified emotional intelligence, and the spark that ignites their fearless action.
As the CEO (Chief Excitement Officer) of Sparks of Fire International, she hosts The Power of Investing in People Podcast, is the author of How to Get Your Voice Back, is a Certified Fearless Living Coach and Trainer, and the Co-Founder of the #FIRESTARTERS Book Project.
You can find out more about Shā and her work at shasparks.com. And take a moment to check out our conversation on her podcast The Power of Investing in People Podcast.